The Weekly – Sticking to our day job, grafting a tree bearing 10 different fruits

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As MPs’ second jobs replaced Owen Paterson as the focus of British sleaze, we were keeping our side hustles quiet to focus on the main agenda. While furious Tories rounded on former attorney general Sir Geoffrey Cox’s lucrative sidelines, Boris was accused of double-hatted hypocrisy as it emerged that he has earned more than £4m from outside interests over the last 14 years. In COP26’s second week, Jeremy Clarkson might have been better off keeping to potato farming rather than claiming that Greta Thunberg ‘deserves a smacked bottom’. Actor Christopher Walken may not want to paint anything for a while after wiping out an original Banksy while filming The Outlaws. This Australian art critic reviewed an art installation of two melting figures without realising that they were Rupert and Lachlan Murdoch.

GOING PLURAL
Doubling up was good for some, with Edison clients plant-based food group Veganz and Fridays owner Hostmore announcing stock market flotations and General Electric and Toshiba unveiling plans to split themselves in three. Amazon added operating London buses to its core online retailing business. These Christmas gifts might make the environmentally aware happy as well as permanently remove carbon dioxide from the air, while this inflatable playground removes carbon and particulate matter and releases oxygen in its place while children bounce about. Some nightclubs were revealed to be sidestepping Scotland’s COVID-19 rules by doubling up as furniture lounges.

INCREASING OUR VALUE

This backyard garden grafter claimed a world record for a tree bearing 10 different fruits, while Heinz announced that it has grown ‘Martian’ tomatoes good enough for ketchup. These crisp hoarders sold packets of Walkers for £8 on eBay amid a nationwide shortage. And this former Isle of Wight doctor ended up discovering a new big-nosed dinosaur after rummaging in a box of bones during his retirement.

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